A Letter to Running with Depression

Dear Running,

I want to thank you for so many things today. And that is because today is a rough day.

Today is a day where getting off the couch felt harder than the race I just did. Where I am playing everything that has been said to me in the past 24 hours in my head on a loop. Reliving, analyzing, and hating every aspect of what I did and said. The self-doubt prevents me from even trying, because I’m paralyzed. I sit and stare, hoping I can force myself to regain the motivation that I once had.

But I cannot forget you, dear friend.

Running, you have been my escape for the past 5 years. You have been the time where I can feel proud of my accomplishments. Where there are no failures, only learning from a run. Where my mind is set free and the loop has been broken. You got me through hard times. Through dark times. Through times when I didn’t know what else to do.

Running, you allow me to take care of myself and give me permission to be selfish. Because of you, I take the time get ready runs, spend time enjoying every painful step and gasping breath. It is the time where I cannot do work and I cannot multitask. I can only focus on what is happening to myself.

I finish each run proud and accomplished. My brain has been cleaned. My view of myself is positive and I am ready. I am ready to go back to being a wife. To being a boss. To being a daughter. To being a sister. And to being myself. I come back from every run as myself again.

Running, you allow me to turn back from being dark and cloudy to being happy and bright.

Running, you’ve changed me.

Thank you,

Bridget