I want to thank you for so many things today. And that is because today is a rough day.
Today is a day where getting off the couch felt harder than the race I just did. Where I am playing everything that has been said to me in the past 24 hours in my head on a loop. Reliving, analyzing, and hating every aspect of what I did and said. The self-doubt prevents me from even trying, because I’m paralyzed. I sit and stare, hoping I can force myself to regain the motivation that I once had.
But I cannot forget you, dear friend.
Running, you have been my escape for the past 5 years. You have been the time where I can feel proud of my accomplishments. Where there are no failures, only learning from a run. Where my mind is set free and the loop has been broken. You got me through hard times. Through dark times. Through times when I didn’t know what else to do.
Running, you allow me to take care of myself and give me permission to be selfish. Because of you, I take the time get ready runs, spend time enjoying every painful step and gasping breath. It is the time where I cannot do work and I cannot multitask. I can only focus on what is happening to myself.
I finish each run proud and accomplished. My brain has been cleaned. My view of myself is positive and I am ready. I am ready to go back to being a wife. To being a boss. To being a daughter. To being a sister. And to being myself. I come back from every run as myself again.
Running, you allow me to turn back from being dark and cloudy to being happy and bright.
Running, you’ve changed me.